Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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