I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
