I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
