Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
