My room smells like vodka and shame
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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