After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
