the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Holy sore nipples Batman
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
