I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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