there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
