i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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