An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
