saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
