I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
