i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My bed smells like the plague
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
