i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
