I wish I could teleport
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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