I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
