Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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