i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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