Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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