So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We got so high we made milksteak
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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