The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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