Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
