Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
