We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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