His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
