hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
