her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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