Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
