Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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