you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
