do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
