dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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