i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
