Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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