No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
