We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
