He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
