It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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