sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think my moral compass just broke
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
