I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
