I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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