And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
