My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
