there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
