I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
