Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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