Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
