I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
