Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
