I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
