guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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