i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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