i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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