SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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